True budgeting was definitely not something I learned growing up. The most I learned about budgeting was rationing which pay period paid what bills. This informed my ideas about and around money. I learned how to pay bills really well, but I never learned how to save because there wasn’t enough left over to do so. I despise the notion that those less fortunate have poor money management because it literally makes no sense. That’s my bias, let’s move on.

As I entered adulthood and began using the very basic money management skills I had, I began to take in via social media (oh the FOMO) that I was adulting wrong because I wasn’t able to go on spring break trips or vacations like my colleagues. This brought up feelings of shame; however, at the time, I wasn’t able to process the feelings appropriately in order to learn a different way of managing finances. This lead to credit card debt. Not understanding money coupled with the FOMO, I racked up credit card debt -about $8,000- between my undergraduate and graduate degree obtaining years (7 years in total). 

Sure, I was great at making on time payments, but I was only making minimum payments because I still hadn’t taken the time to learn about finances. I mean how could I? I was focused on learning how to do my career, which was stressful in itself. It wasn’t until I graduated with my master’s degree and had no job did I really start to pay attention. All that free time. I started paying attention because I was no longer able to do what I had been so good at doing -paying bills- and this bothered me A LOT. I took the time to self reflect on what I was feeling, why I was feeling it, and how I could take steps to changing my situation. 

I went to see a therapist because I needed someone else to help me make sense of everything bouncing around in my head. One thing I had done right financially in my adulthood was made sure I had health insurance (thank you ObamaCare) so my sessions only costed me a $25 copay. I wanted to understand how my emotional well being was affecting my finances and how I could change it. That therapist ended up not being a good fit, but I did learn a few things about what is truly important to me. Those things helped me create some of the line items of my bare bones of a budget.

Now, my budget has changed quite a bit over the past two years, but I am satisfied with the line items I have now. When creating my budget for the year, (yes, the year - check out OneBigHappyLife - they have a great video on why/how to budget a year in advance) I knew there were a few things I would have to postpone and do without so that I could live the life I wanted daily rather than only on vacation. While I am not financially ready to budget the way that I would like to, with sinking funds galore, I have developed techniques and found tools that will help me when I am.

I had been using Mint for years but only really started paying attention to it when I was notified of the layoff. Social outings and eating out were my two biggest spending areas. I knew I was not going to be able to cut down on eating out right away so I gave myself a reasonable amount to spend daily on food based on restaurants I frequented most often. I’m working on adding no spend days, but I’m just not quite there yet. I added a gym membership trading it for two visits to Starbucks and justifying it as a way to make healthier meal choices. I decided that social outings would include more free/inexpensive creative things rather than just bars and lounges and with people I considered my support system. I also cut liquor out of my diet because spending $50 on drinks alone every week just didn’t seem responsible.

I started paying attention to the quality of personal services I was receiving compared to what I was spending. I switched from going to a random nail salon to get my nails done to a single nail technician (I could go 6 weeks without getting my nails done and they would still look presentable). I started doing wax packages, which saves me about $150/yearly, and I just love their customer service. Then, I started thinking where else could I save money? I stopped putting small amounts of gas in my tank and started filling my tank when it got within 50-100 miles of gas remaining (doing this actually saved me about $40/month). I read my car manual and noticed that the manufacturer actually only recommended oil changes every 7,500 miles rather than the 5,000 the dealership sticker reminder said. Coupons, paying attention to original price versus sale price, and buying in bulk also became very important when shopping for household essentials like soap, toilet paper, and laundry detergent.

I was able to decrease my frivolous spending by $450 from December to February. It may not seem like a lot but for two and a half months I think it’s an awesome milestone. It was not easy, and I did fail in some areas. Failing meant having numerous serious conversations with myself about why I spent money so whimsically. I decided that instead of trying to ignore my feelings I was going to tackle them head on, which for me meant making therapy a non-negotiable line item once again.

My relationship with and feelings about money are changing, not as fast as I would like them to, but I am remembering to be patient with myself. I have added a financial affirmation to my routine as well as affirmations surrounding productivity. I stopped saying I was broke and switched it out for I haven’t seen it yet. Something I suggest you try. Now no matter how you budget and what your line items are, remember: Rome was not financed in a day.

I am an associate licensed marriage and family therapist who uses self disclosure and believes that it can be helpful in the therapeutic process; however, although this blog may be helpful, it is not meant to be a substitute for therapy or professional financial advice.